Masking is not self care

Let's chat. Hi, I'm Jessica. I'm a mom of 2 boys 6 and 16. I'm a mental health worker and passionate advocate for my patients. I love them. I cry for them. I hold their hand when they're suffering or scared. I high five them and share inside jokes. I dance in the grocery store.I try to make them laugh when their minds are fighting them or failing them. I make sure they get the care they deserve and are treated with the same respect as those who aren't ill. I make sure docs don't dismiss their concerns.

As a mom... I help 6 with homework and plead with 16 to do his. I model love and kindness. I teach tolerance and acceptance. I remind 6 that his quirks are what make him who he is. I tell social stories to help him understand that his brain works different and that's okay.I beg 16 to NOT eat ALL the fucking Doritos in one sitting (and then go buy more Doritos bc teenagers). I do laundry, dishes, serve crap dinners or no dinners more than I should. I remind 16 if he is "out" and he's ever feeling pressure to make bad choices. "Text me an X and I'll call you"I'll be the "bad guy", the "party pooper", "the stupid strict parent". I remind both boys I love them....for exactly who they are and remind them not to be assholes. I do all of this while fighting a voice in my head that is constantly telling me the world would be better if I was gone. My brain is my worst enemy. It's not as bad as it used to be. Therapy and meds help me manage. In all of the pictures...I look so "put together". I look like that because I'm "good at masking"...which also makes me bad at self care. I'm working on that too. I've stopped taking my meds before bc "maybe it is all in my head", "I feel good now so maybe I don't need them" 🙄

<narrator> but it wasn't all in her "head"....it was LITERALLY all in her head and she felt better BECAUSE the meds managed the signals in her brain. So every night. I take my meds. That's part of my self care. I'm missing some serotonin so store bought works for me.

Y'all I don't now... nor will I ever...probably have my shit together. I will be a hot mess mom, fighting my demons every fucking day....but I will fight every fucking day. For my kick ass amazing kids who deserve to see a strong momma who succeeds while she fights and keeps going despite the hardships, despite depression, despite anxiety, despite suicidal ideation running on an endless loop in my head.

And ya'll should too! This earth needs you on it. There is a human somewhere that needs you. That's all. 💙💙 Feel free to share if you know someone who needs to hear this....and on the days I don't look so "put together".... I look like this