Breathless but Still Breathing
- leigh47032
- Aug 28, 2019
- 2 min read
Sitting in a waiting room with a patient...prompting them to use their coping skills to manage their anxiety.
While I shake my legs uncontrollably and my insides feel like a cross between a giant, lump of pointy limestone and simultaneously as mushy as cereal left out in milk all night long.
Thoughts racing, 6 needs a haircut for picture day tomorrow, that means~leave work and drive 25 miles to get him, 25 miles back for haircut, 25 miles back home, dinner at McDonald's, he will need his meds before haircut but I'll probably forget, gotta grab his iPad and juice before I get him, am I going to do that before I pick him up from sitter's or after...will he need to "pee" if I don't get him first, WHY DO I WAIT TIL THE LAST MINUTE TO GET SHIT DONE??!! JESUS H CHRIST, JESSICA WTF is WRONG WITH YOU??!!
~Receptionist is asking my patient a question but I was distracted so "please repeat that" but I can't focus to answer because
~16 didn't do his homework last night, I messaged him but he hasn't replied. I wish he would focus and show his awesomeness. Why does he INSIST ON BEING LAZY...maybe I'm too hard on him. Maybe I'm not hard enough. I don't know what I'm doing. Did my parents go through this?
*Jesus FUCK my mouth hurts. I need to call the dentist and get an appointment....oh damn...the dentist closed last week~I have to FIND a new dentist! HOW THE FUCK did I forget that?! I think I have an opening in my schedule in like 3 weeks. I wonder how long I can use clove oil and salt rinse before the infection gets worse?!* I think the new fiscal year has started so that's gonna be $150 to be seen. Maybe in October when hubs gets his financial aid disbursed.
Back to work~brain
Provide answers to RN that patient can't answer~
Brain is goo again. I need to go home. I can't go home. I still have shit to do. I really feel like I can't breathe. FUCKING FUCK I forgot to pay the van payment. I need to do that tonight...and shower. Oh and lot rent check. 6 will need a bath. And he'll have homework.
I'm tired now. Maybe he doesn't need a haircut...they'll do retakes in a month.
NO NO NO FUCKING NO YOU LAZY SHIT ASS MOM.
Haircut tonight.
McDonald's for dinner.
Good pictures tomorrow.
Message 16 again. Tell him "I love you and I'm proud of you...get your shit done".
Breathe, Jessica, BREATHE~in and out...
Thanks so much! Today's been a rough one. Hubs is going with us tonight to get 6's haircut....and we'll all eat at the drive thru 😂 then home to shower, prep and relax until bed. I did take a few minutes to sit outside in the sun with my Sprite and no patients.
This is one of, if not THE, hardest things about anxiety. You have to remember to breathe, that you'll get through it, but it doesn't really seem possible a lot of the time. 16 may be bored with his work, which could explain why he isn't doing it? If he is advanced, it just might not be his speed, so he thinks that he doesn't need to do it bc he already knows it. Maybe look into that? 6 will be alright. I promise. If taking him to the store is an issue, get his things before you pick him up, if not then just get them with him and let him pick. You're not a shit mom, not a…